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Meatbag

Meatbag


Posts : 182
Join date : 2011-12-03
Location : Delta City

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PostSubject: 19415674923   19415674923 Icon_minitimeMon Jan 02, 2012 7:28 pm

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The great mystery

As I start this journey into unknown and exciting territory, I decide to get into a nostalgia vibe by playing the 80's anthem 'Oh Yeah' by Yellow. Good stuff.

Chick chickachicka!

No?

Aw, fuck all of you.

Anyway, as I boot up the game, I have no idea what kind of game this will be, no idea of the genre, story, or anything relevant. All I know is the name: 720. Intriguing. Soon I shall unlock it's secrets.

With great curiosity, and a little trepidation, I press start.

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Fuuuuuuuu...

Aw hell.

But my mission must be completed, I must pay this game. God help us all.

720 starts in a skate park, while this on it's own isn't enough to inspire OR annoy me, it DOES leave me with a smidge of confusion as there is no indication of what to do, or where to go. Always the adventurer, I decide to explore my surroundings. So I just skate around, looking for a checkpoint or challenge. before long, I find a map icon. Now we're getting somewhere! A map appears on contact with the icon and shows me... wait for it... nothing of interest. I'm left with little choice but to do some more aimless wandering.

I come across a kindred spirit, who, like me, seems lost in this vast, uninteresting wasteland that is 720. He is a bald, punk rocker looking dude, and I wonder how long he has been stuck here. I sense in him a rage, an anger. What tips me off to his temperament is his actions:

He is so angry at life, he stands in one spot, kicking into the air, over and over.

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The air kicker

He's a bad dude. But I wonder if he's a bad enough dude to save the president?

'No matter,' I think to myself, 'It may be an ill thought out decision, but I must make first contact with the air kicker.'

The fact that he promptly knocks me on my ass isn't a surprise at all. What is a bit of a surprise however, is that immediately after I get back on my board, I get blindsided by a tumbleweed going at approximately warp 10. On contact, it turns into a skull and crossbones and knocks me back off my board.

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Because tumbleweeds are deadly...

Cue the GAME OVER message.

Hrnn.

I'm already finding myself pissed off at this game, but I'm not one to give up on my first try. Never. I'm a man. I give up on my second.

So I crank up Guns N Roses 'There Was A Time', and decide that I'm gonna pwn this bitch game! Look out 720, I'm commin' to get ya!

My patience pays off. I manoeuvre my way past the bald guy with the air vendetta, and find a very bored looking girl manning a concession stand. Sneaking past her, I find a half pipe! Alright, now this game has a new lease on life.

I attempt 7 tricks, and wipe 6 times. The half pipe controls and looks like a poor mans Skate Or Die, down to the animations. Automatically, my virtual doppleganger hops off the ramp, and I get the following messages.

NO RECORDS
NO METALS

I mentally add a new message:

NO U

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Wow, that... helps...

So fuck this crap. I can't wait till I get to Skate Or Die so I can mock this game more.



HOW FAR I GOT: 3 minutes tops.







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